How many Christian thematic events/conferences have you attended and there is a breakout session with “The Divorce Coach”? Well I’m attending the Woman Evolve conference, trying to decide what sessions to attend and I see this. Being newly divorced, I told you more #SkinInTheGame, I wanted to attend but then others would know. Granted these others didn’t know me but still they’d know. But I couldn’t deny that I needed to listen to someone that understood my current plight. I needed to hear how they made it to the other side and continued to build a life for themselves.
So, my friend and I decided we’d attend. I didn’t ask her specifically why, divorce is a touchy subject and some details probably should remain personal. As we walked to the break out session there was line to the room. We didn’t think much of it because we were too busy running our mouths about the previous main session- Daddy Daughter Issues. As we stood in line, I heard a woman say “Sheesh this line is pretty long, I wasn’t expecting that for the Divorce Coach.” Without even thinking I respond “No you know you aren’t alone.” Thing is by the time I sat down that sensitivity grew to indignation. How could she say that out loud? Didn’t she know how difficult it was to get in that line? I mean it was a moment of honesty about a failure, a deep failure to many people we don’t know. What did she mean she wasn’t expecting a line, half of marriages end in divorce? Those expectations weren’t realistic. How insensitive? It bothered me 😒 I didn’t appreciate her comment at all. I really had to calm down to recognize that focusing on her would cause me to miss out on what “MY” coach Pam Ross wanted to teach me.
Coach Ross walks in the room with a lightness, effervescence of someone that did not “appear” to have been through such sadness. She was beautiful and light, no sadness or heaviness near her. She laughed and joked with us before the session officially started. She had such a beautiful smile. She was happy, it’s weird how awkward how happiness appears when you’ve found it hard to have any. It can be almost foreign. But there she was single, divorced, and happy. I doubt she’d describe herself like that but that is what I saw, what I needed to see it. The session begins and she starts her presentation with this point “So you’ve been traded!” I busted out laughing, literally out loud 🤭. I couldn’t believe it, why you might ask, because I’m a sports fanatic, specifically basketball so I got that point unlike most non-sports lovers. I was literally traded, it fit perfectly. When trades happen the players are typically upset because it means their goals with this team won’t be reached, they will lose relationships they worked to establish, they will have to move away from all that is familiar and their families will have to endure unwanted change, they will have to work to establish comfort on this next team. Trade was a good name to call it. From that point on, I knew I had to take notes, she was going to teach me something. I proceeded to take 1-1/2 pages of notes. I wanted to write down everything I could.
God hates divorces, not divorcees
Your faith hasn’t failed you, its your faith that’s gotten you through
Your covenant with God still stands
New Team, Same Agent
These points were important to me. They weren’t new or foreign to me, I think I’d considered them in the past. Problem is I’d been traded, which isolated me, and when left with your own thoughts after such a failure you second guess your self. I knew God didn’t hate me, but it was nice to hear someone confirm that. I knew it took faith to pick myself up but I needed hear my faith hadn’t failed, that it was still useful to me. I knew the Lord was still with me, but to have confirmation from another woman, divorce´, that our covenant still stands is enriching. Lastly divorces feels like you’ve been booted off the team, but its good to know I have an agent and he will get me back on another team, not necessarily marriage but another team where I can be happy and utilize the gifts and talents he’s given me.
Pam Ross resonated with me, her smile resonated. There was a happiness and peace she had that I wanted. I left knowing that if I continued to process this experience, be open to change, work where I’m planted, and build my relationship with God that same happiness and peace was mine. She was a picture of where I’m headed. I don’t have to be devastated forever. I can move forward with a smile on my face 😊.
#thoughtlifeco