Should Island
You shouldn’t have done that?
You should do this?
That shouldn't have happened?
You should be there?
What is the purpose of the word should? With out looking at the definition, should is used to differentiate between what is/was and the “better” alternative. I’ve found in my life that should is a “damning” word. What do I mean by that? It’s a word that brings disappointment, it’s a word that points out area in my life that isn’t going as I’d like, the an area needs improvement. That's a nice way of putting it, I guess. It’s not a bad word or even a negative word, but for me it's a damning word because it seems to always point out that something isn’t right. Or, maybe I should say how I use the word feels “damning.”
Should was my go to word when things didn't “seem” right. My life SHOULD be better. I SHOULDN’T have to go through this. We SHOULD be doing this. I SHOULD be able to do that. It worked as a reminder that some part of my life was not what it SHOULD be or my life was at a point where it SHOULDN’T be. When things weren’t going well, I could get stuck in the shoulds, basically I’d be stranded on my island of should. It was like I’d traverse, in my mind, through my whole life and determine my island of should was the best place for me. “Island of should” you ask? A place in life where my failures and/or inadequacies would be magnified, only I didn’t have a plan in place to fix or rectify or even learn from them, like I SHOULD have.
That’s when I learned that if by chance I got stranded on my “island of should” I then needed to look around to the island to my surroundings of why or why not.
If this should have happened then WHY didn’t it and if this should not have happened then WHY did it? I could no longer allow should to be an island with no surroundings, I had to add some color; background to it. Naked it painted me into a corner of negativity but clothed I could better see why it did, when it shouldn't have and why it didn’t, when it should have. Now, when you venture into why’s surroundings there can be hard truths, truths you may not like or choose not to accept. For me though, the why’s gave me context and allowed me to understand better. They forced me to be honest and when my mind ventured back to should island I used thy why to help. No, this shouldn’t have happened but this is why it did and now we have to learn and move on. Yes this happened… now, how do we fix it.
I was no longer just on an island, I had a surrounding that allowed me to not feel stranded and gave me the opportunity to re-focus and change my course. We all have an island of should. Don’t get trapped on yours. But if by chance you do, don’t allow it to isolate you, don’t allow it to stand without merit, give it the surroundings of a why. Understanding your why will allow you to move forward and the opportunity to not be stuck on should’s island.
SHOULD is a word I now use with extreme caution and I work hard to maintain context when I use it.
When we use SHOULD it is usually to express our belief that something different was or is or would be better. How about you? When do you find yourself using SHOULD? How did you feel after you used it? In those situations was it in the context of helping or harming? If by chance you notice your mind and/or emotions went in the wrong direction, dare to surround your island with some honest why’s.
#thoughtlifeco
