Pride's Deprression
For many of us, there was a large amount of time that passed before we decided whether or not to get help for our depression. Some of us weren’t sure what it was but we had an idea. Admitting what we knew deep down was the challenge. How could we admit that our minds had some serious limitations. Limitations that aren’t to easy to admit. Now to be open about them? Limitations we aren’t sure will be received with high regard. Will we be able to tell our loved ones? Will they think less of us? How will we think of ourselves? Is this a sign of weakness? Something must be wrong, right? We aren’t who we thought we were?
These were the types of questions I began to ask myself before I got help. Admitting my struggle wasn’t just about my shame but I had to realize my pride was playing a role as well. Pride is tough to admit. Tough to open up about but reality was I thought a little more of myself than I probably should have. I remember hearing “pride comes before the fall” but I never thought I had “bad” pride. But honestly, I’m not even sure what the definition of “bad” pride is. I was always taught to have pride about myself. Pride in my name, in my work, to honor my parents with integrity.
But somewhere pride took over, in my mind I couldn’t be depressed. I mean wasn’t that for weak-minded people? I say that now, ashamed but honestly I felt like that. Society had shaped my ideals, anyone with any type of mental disorder was damaged, they didn’t have the strength or courage to fight. That’s what we were taught. Now I know that was so far from the truth. Honestly, now I wonder. Why? Where did those ideals come from? Of course we can say “from the enemy.” But, I’m honestly wanting more detail. Even more, was this only a result of ignorance? Did the enemy know that people walking around with great pride and great shame would eventually turn to substance abuse, self-loathing, overwhelming sadness, and suicide attempts?
Pride is a tricky thing, it will deceive you if you allow it, it will have you thinking nothing could ever be wrong. There is no way you could suffer with any illness, I mean you are you. It’s such a load of crap but for some reason we believe it. Well, if you didn’t I surely did. Sometimes, especially when you are young, you believe you are invincible. I’m not sure if the pride came with youth, lack of humility, or more likely a combination of both with a side of shame and family genetics.
If by chance your armor feels impenetrable and you believe this could never happen to you, though you know something is not quite right and deep down you need help. Pause and know, every super hero has area of weakness, a place in need of improvements, and don’t forget you’re human, meaning, we’re flawed. Meaning, we’ll never be perfect superheroes, we‘ll always have a limp, that’s part of our walk as humans. It’s okay to seek help, take off the straight jacket of perfection and allow yourself room to be human. Perfection isn’t possible but once you admit there is an issue, you can work on your recovery, becoming the best you is the next best step. Don’t let pride take you down, don’t let the perception of your invincibility lead you astray. Yes this is humbling and yes, you probably will have to be more honest with yourself about who you really are. Admission, help and a little work will get you to a place of peace.
A place we all want to be!
#thoughtlifeco
